We Quit Drinking

Bravo -- H

Being only a little bit alcoholic is like being a little bit pregnant, you either are or you aren't. For people who aren't alcoholic controlling or managing their drinking is not an issue. A lot of them don't care for the way it affects them and find the loss of control or change in perception unnerving. The experience of intoxication is different for alcoholics. It is comfortable, fits like a glove, enables us to function better at first.

I'm speaking as an ex-bartender now. I have had customers who were heavy drinkers whose doctors told them they had to stop drinking for one or another health reasons. The non-alcoholic ones just switched from alcoholic beverages to non-alcoholic beverages, experienced some physical discomfort from the change in diet, and continued without any significant personality change. The alcoholics were another story. Their immediate reaction was to try and drink as much as possible before they "really" had to quit and when they finally did, extreme discomfort and significant personality changes (good and bad).

As the years have gone by the allergy thing seems to make more sense. When I first came around AA I thought the notion that anyone could be allergic to alcohol was one of the dumbest things I had ever heard.

"This is not a small change in my life; this is a totally new life-style and I will miss many things that I enjoy. I believe that the things I will gain greatly exceed that which I am losing."

You're not losing anything. You're stepping through a door into a land of full consciousness. You will be able to focus and manipulate complex matrices of thoughts such as you never have before. Your appreciation of the nuances of life will becoming finely honed so that in the hint of a smile or a darkness in the someones eyes will tell you more about them than if you had interviewed them extensively before. You have stepped into a process that will bring you into the light of full, 24 hour a day, 7 days a week awareness that will bring a continuity to your life that you never before imagined. Even civillians can't quite grasp what this means unless they never imbibe. You have been given a gift that will bring you the true joy of living. All you have to do now is learn how to maintain it so you don't lose it.

What I will miss most is the taste/smell of good wine and other excellent drinks. I will also miss the rituals that are imbedded in many traditions.

Everyone keeps telling me, "Being only a little bit alcoholic is like being a little bit pregnant, you either are or you aren't." Is this really true? I see people who have a much harder time not-drinking than others. I am happy to be not-drinking right now, but "stepping through a door into a land of full consciousness" sounds a bit more dramatic than what I feel. Since I drank primarily at night, during the day I feel approximately as much "better" as I do when I'm exercising regularly vs when I'm not. I think the biggest improvement in my life is the fact that I have more time to think.

I definitely think I had/have a problem with drinking but I see it more as improved quality of life, a life-style change and better health. It doesn't feel like "a gift that will bring you the true joy of living." I was quite enjoying myself already, but it's improved now.

Am I strange? Does this alcoholism have to be defined in such a binary way? I know I could have let it get worse before I quit and maybe I would feel the difference more, but at this point I feel like I did a pre-emptive quit before it got really really bad.

One last question... I've heard people refer to alcoholism as a disease. Is it considered to be something you are born with or you acquire?

Good post Joi. I have a feeling that by publicly surfacing our conscious choice to quit drinking that we may indeed be at the start of a trend.

The issue of the label "alcoholic" is an interesting one. In the decades that AA has been doing its fine work, I wonder if the marginalization and stigma associated with attaching that label have been truly lifted? Certainly when they started their work there was a social and moral marginalization that came with acknowledging any problem associated with alcohol. How loaded is that word I wonder?

I quit drinking in 1992 after a breast cancer diagnosis at age 30. Some studies indicate a link between alcohol consumption and breast cancer. For me, that information was a divine confirmation of a message I'd been hearing ever since I began drinking as a teenager.

I'd been conflicted about drinking my whole life. I knew it wasn't good for me. Alcoholism runs in my family. And, while it didn't necessarily "destroy" my childhood or adolescence, it definitely did some damage.

Yet, I chose to drink because I'm an alcoholic.

A NOTE ON TERMINOLOGY: I'm unsettled with label "alcoholic". Maybe that is why I'm glad to have this forum to talk about quitting drinking outside the 12 step format, where labeling oneself alcoholic is part of the program. For today I use the label and I'm okay with it, but I reserve the right to change my mind!

Anyway, I chose to drink in spite of internal conflict and external consequences because it's normal for an alcholic to drink. We drink in spite of conflict, guilt, crashed cars, DUI's , damaged relationships, ruined careers, physical deterioration, health problems, weight gain, sallow skin, missed appointments...etc. It is ABNORMAL FOR AN ALCOHOLIC NOT TO DRINK. Thankfully, most of my consequences of drinking were of the functional variety. I haven't had a DUI, car crash, divorce...YET.

I did have breast cancer. I believe that drinking alcohol probably played some role in that. I started experimenting with the drink at a young age -- fifteen or so. And did some pretty significant drinking during my teenage and young adult years.

After about four years of being alcohol free, I began drinking a little wine or champagne now and then. At a party, a wedding, or a dinner where some fine varietal was being offered, I'd have a glass.

On a trip to Italy and France I found myself drinking regularly -- both with others and alone. I really liked it! (NO SURPRISE THERE -- eh!) And, it was the norm. I wasn't the only woman sitting by myself having a glass of wine with dinner. Yet, in my heart, I knew I was playing with poison.

One thing lead to another and by 2000, eight years after having quit drinking, I was enjoying a glass or two of wine more nights than not. Once I passed that critical five year point for surviving cancer (after which they say you are truly "cured")I think something in me breathed a sign of relief and decided that I could loosen up a little. It only took a few years for me to be back in full swing, drinking like I'd never had cancer.

We were socializing on a regular basis with a crowd that loved good wine and good food. One of my regular drinking companions was a movie producer who, when he came to dinner at our home, was known to bring a box of six of eight good bottles for a dinner with three couples and leave the unused bottles for our collection. At last, I was drinking like a "normal" person. I'd conquered my wild teenage excesses, I'd survived cancer and I could finally drink like a lady!

That fantasy came to a crashing halt when I went to my 20 year high school reunion in the Fall of 2000. The wild teenager kicked in and I was off and running. It was clear to both me and my beloved spouse at the end of the night (that lasted into the early morning), that I needed to stop drinking.

So, I've been alcohol free since then. And, it is defnitely one of the best decisions of my life. I've been to AA, worked the steps, worked on issues in psychotherapy, and invested the time and energy I used to spend enjoying alcohol, enjoying life! For me, it's a much better path.

So,I'm glad to have found this blog and look forward to seeing what unfolds here.

Hmm. Thank you very much for that Cissy. That sounds a lot like me. I think that if you're an alchoholic, so am I. ;-)

1. the little bit pregnant thing is a matter of opinion - I believe it based on my experiences.

2. land of full consciousness = you're not sedating your the higher functions of your brain anymore nor killing brain cells - your brain is fully functioning, only time will show you the difference as you spend more time thinking with increased capacity for thought continuity

3. a gift? it never felt that way at first but over time it just got better and better and I've heard similar reports from lots of other people

4. you're not strange at all, being exposed to everyones' views will help you develop your own

5. disease? most people consider it so and there seems to be evidence supporting that, it does seem to run in families and it is recognized by the AMA as such, some consider it a spiritual malady, others see it as a moral weakness - whatever pier you need to push off from

I am 22 years old. I consider myself a late bloomer.

I joined the service in 1999 when I was 18, right out of high school. I never really experienced a real "night out drinking" before then. I was instantly hooked.

I've been drinking ever since....and unfortunately it has caused me more problems then I can count.

I've done a lot of research tonight. A lot of thinking. I know I am still very young, but I don't want to lose anymore friends or people I care about. I don't want to get into anymore fights. I don't want to get kicked out of clubs or arrested.

I've been all over the world. I've done many things. Most of them have included alcohol one way or another. It's wrong. I shouldn’t have to depend on it to have a good time or feel comfortable.

Some days I wake up in the morning feeling so terrible. The night before was a total disaster. I'd give anything to go back in time and change what had happened.

I guess that's just the way life goes sometimes. I haven't spoken to one of my best friends in a few days. He won't return my phone calls. I'm pretty sure it’s because of my drinking problem and the way I act sometimes when I'm drunk. Can't really blame him to be honest. I put myself in his shoes and think "Wow, that's really bad. I don't know how I'd deal with that situation!"

I haven't had one drink since last weekend, on Saturday to be exact. Hopefully I can quit for good. I really need to get my life in order.

Thank you for listening.

Thanks for sharing, Michael. If you find that you're having difficulty, maybe you'll want to consider seeking help from others and check out AA - or at least pick up a copy of the Big Book, which is the basic text of AA and has a lot of information and stories in it. Please feel free to contact me off-blog if you have any questions or would like more information - i know a lot of guys who did a lot of destructive drinking in the military, and I'd be happy to put you in touch with some of them.

Great site!

Now, down to business....

I drink too much and I want to stop! It's become an all day/night thing. I went to an AA meeting last year with my cousin - hated the "Bible thumping" and cultish atmosphere (my cousin hasn't drank in 10 years, yet is "addicted" to AA.) How do I wean off? Better to go cold-turkey or wean?

I could use some positive feedback here!! I have two young (10 & 7) children at home and want to be able to ride through the withdrawl w/o becoming a monster to them. No "preaching" please, just helpful suggestions. I've already done the first "step" - realizing and admitting I have a problem. No, I do not have family or friends that I want to share this "experience" with.

Thanks

I need to stop drinking.. I can go for long periods of time without drinking but then when I start.. Saturday night was the last straw.. I woke up in Sunday and had no idea what happened after a certain point. Im lucky I made it home.. I remember the cab driver waking me so that I could pay and get out.. I found a pair of boxer shorts and a note in my coat pocket so I can only assume I had sex. Im so embarrased, ashamed and scared. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I dont want to drink any more ever.

"it basically just removes many hours of lucid time out of the week"
I love that. Well said Joi and a good post. I think that alcoholism tends to be seen as a binary thing, but in reality there is a lot of gray area. I can remember times when I didnt drink much, but didnt really full so much better. I dont think drinking has cause alot of trouble in my life. For me at least, its not nearly as dramatic as it seems to be made out to be. It's just a slow, dull nagging knowledge that I'm basically just surpressing feelings, kin of sedating myself into just merely existing. I do like drinking, I'd like to drink occassionally, but, like it seems with so many others, its just too easy. It does fit like a glove, like an old recliner. My ultimate motivation, should my quitting prove to be successful, is the desire to no just be, but to be unique, to be myself, to have personality,not just being the funny life of the party. I used to want to be seen as independent and unemotional and drinking defenitely helped. But I know longer feel thats the best way to be. Its ok to feel nervous about something, its ok to call someone too much cause you miss them, its ok to be uncomfortable in a new situation. Its what makes life most enjoyable. Thats my reason. Nothing exciting, but a slow, dull, overwhelmingly powerful feeling that I'm just missing out.

my apologies for the terrible spelling and grammer. i guess the hooch does kill brain cells.

Well, I surely haven't quit drinking, but that doesn't mean that a huge part of me doesn't want to. I'm not your average "problem drinker." I don't neglet what is important, become abusive, or miss work because of my addiction. I do, however, worry about the damage my drinking does to my body and mind. I think about these things constantly. My biggest problem is that I don't like the worrisome, aggitated person I am when I don't drink. These are characteristics that were existant within me before I ever knew alcohol. They seem to diminish when I'm drinking... most of the time. I'm 27 years old, I have a great boyfriend and a steady job. Yet, something is still crying out inside of me. I think it's that feeling of being contained by an unnatural want/need. The feeling that everything will fall apart if/when I make that drastic change. On an average day, I drink six beers a day. When I'm trying to be good, I drink a 22oz. When I *really* wanna drink, I go for the twelve pack. I once quit drinking for an entire year, but I was on prozac and smoked an ounce of marijuana every two weeks. So, I don't feel as though I accomplished such a great task. I feel as though the clock is ticking and every sip I take is another fall into sickness and poverty. I spend too much money on alcohol and cigarettes. I guess maybe I do neglet what is important. If I need new shoes, or a pair of pants, I'll check my account to see if I have enough money once my beer budget works out. Sad? Yes, I am often, but I entertain those less fortunate of possessing a sense of humor toward their current downfalls, break-ups, and sadnesses. I thrive in social situations where I get to be the host, mixing others' drinks while I tend to my beer. I lied when I said my drinking doesn't affect my work...I'll miss a day or so every couple months due to a hangover. I realize this isn't as severe as some, but it's enough to make me ponder it all daily. Most people know that when you drink every day, you're not hungover every day--you just feel like shit every morning and it feels natural to you after a while. It's not as funny or cool as it was the night before, but you keep repeating it, day after day, hoping that some light will shine itself upon you and make you whole. Make you not want to drink anymore. But... It doesn't happen. Spiritual procrastination just keeps sinking it's ugly fangs into my thoughts and I keep allowing myself to fall for it. I'm far beyond the denial phase, you see. I'm the living, breathing torment of awareness and it's killing my flair for life. Sometimes, I wish so much that I didn't know what it is that I do to myself. I guess I've had a few too many psychology courses to surpass that one. I know what I do. I drink to sleep so I can work and then drink again to sleep, while making a few social rounds in between. I'm a busy woman, I am. Busy believing that everything happens for a reason. If only I could make sense of those reasons. Then, I belive I'd be getting somewhere.

Well, I surely haven't quit drinking, but that doesn't mean that a huge part of me doesn't want to. I'm not your average "problem drinker." I don't neglet what is important, become abusive, or miss work because of my addiction. I do, however, worry about the damage my drinking does to my body and mind. I think about these things constantly. My biggest problem is that I don't like the worrisome, aggitated person I am when I don't drink. These are characteristics that were existant within me before I ever knew alcohol. They seem to diminish when I'm drinking... most of the time. I'm 27 years old, I have a great boyfriend and a steady job. Yet, something is still crying out inside of me. I think it's that feeling of being contained by an unnatural want/need. The feeling that everything will fall apart if/when I make that drastic change. On an average day, I drink six beers a day. When I'm trying to be good, I drink a 22oz. When I *really* wanna drink, I go for the twelve pack. I once quit drinking for an entire year, but I was on prozac and smoked an ounce of marijuana every two weeks. So, I don't feel as though I accomplished such a great task. I feel as though the clock is ticking and every sip I take is another fall into sickness and poverty. I spend too much money on alcohol and cigarettes. I guess maybe I do neglet what is important. If I need new shoes, or a pair of pants, I'll check my account to see if I have enough money once my beer budget works out. Sad? Yes, I am often, but I entertain those less fortunate of possessing a sense of humor toward their current downfalls, break-ups, and sadnesses. I thrive in social situations where I get to be the host, mixing others' drinks while I tend to my beer. I lied when I said my drinking doesn't affect my work...I'll miss a day or so every couple months due to a hangover. I realize this isn't as severe as some, but it's enough to make me ponder it all daily. Most people know that when you drink every day, you're not hungover every day--you just feel like shit every morning and it feels natural to you after a while. It's not as funny or cool as it was the night before, but you keep repeating it, day after day, hoping that some light will shine itself upon you and make you whole. Make you not want to drink anymore. But... It doesn't happen. Spiritual procrastination just keeps sinking it's ugly fangs into my thoughts and I keep allowing myself to fall for it. I'm far beyond the denial phase, you see. I'm the living, breathing torment of awareness and it's killing my flair for life. Sometimes, I wish so much that I didn't know what it is that I do to myself. I guess I've had a few too many psychology courses to surpass that one. I know what I do. I drink to sleep so I can work and then drink again to sleep, while making a few social rounds in between. I'm a busy woman, I am. Busy believing that everything happens for a reason. If only I could make sense of those reasons. Then, I belive I'd be getting somewhere.

Sounds pretty miserable to me. I can relate - it was like that for me. I had a job, a girlfriend, and was on the same jon/drink/job/drink trwadmill - it gets really really tiring after a while. I guess the question I have, is "Why do you care WHY, when the WHAT is so important(what are you doing, what is it doing to your life). What is alcohol doing for you, vs what it does to you? Try making 2 columns, on a page and list it out.

Sounds like your life sucks the big one from what you've said - trying to figure out why that is is a waste of time, IMHO. When you get sick of being sick, I;d suggest finding some help in some form or another, set aside your own ideas of right and wrong when it comes to you and alcohol and drugs for 30 days, quit drinking and drugs for 30 days, and see what happens. It could be really great - and if not, you can always go back to where you are now. Best of luck - hope things get better.

I know that I have a problem, but I can't stop. I drink beer all day and most of the night. I hardly ever get really drunk, but I am coninuously buzzed or numb/sedated as I like to describe it. I am what I've heard people say "a functioning alcoholic". I tend to get depressed alot and suffer from anxiety on a daily basis. I start a new job on Monday and I am afraid of how I am going to function without drinking. My twin sister said that she was able to quit by taking Benadryl until the nervousness and other symptoms went away. I need help in trying to quit, I want to be normal. I continuosly have red, swollen, dry eyes, and have recently started having painful swollen fingers and toes when I wake up in the a.m. I have a good feeling that this is part of it. Probably water retention. Please give any good advice on helping me before it's too late. I want to be normal again. Thank you for your time and help. Sincerely, Cat

Hey Cat...

Y'know, one of the best things you could do is get medical care. Is there a doctor you trust, or someone who can offer you a referral to a clinic that might be able to get you in soon?

Your sister recognized that withdrawal symptoms can be tough (occasionally they can be life-threatening), and the best thing to do is NOT try to self-medicate. It's not smart to try to self-medicate for diabetes or depression, and the same goes for alcohol issues.

If the worst case scenario is that you get seen by clinic or an emergency room and they tell you things are OK, wouldn't that be a weight off your shoulders? Even if they can't resolve your symptoms immediately, they'll have answers to get you on the right track (another weight off the shoulders).

Take care of yourself...

The thing to do is talk to somebody who loves you and confess your problems to them. You need to love yourself as much as God loves you. Drinking is a way to hide from Reality. Decide one night that you have had enough and go share that with someone who is non judgemental of you. Share it with your kids, your mother-in-law, and your christian friends. Let them know that you need their support because you want to turn your life around. Now, comes the hard part. When the urge to drink hits you , drink grape juice. Drink water. Go for a walk. Exercise. Take deep breaths. Do anything but drink alcohol. Give yourself 40 days and it will be passed. I know multiple people whom this has worked for. Go with love in your heart

I'm reading this blog because I woke up after 3-4 hours sleep, AGAIN. Alcohol does this to me. I'm 43 and have been drinking the whole time. I don't drink every day but my social life revolves around alcohol. I have never considered myself alcoholic because I almost never drink alone. I'm thinking of quitting for the health benefits. The only thing stopping me is I have many, many friends and we always pack the ice chest when we go on outings. I guess I'm afraid I would have to give up my friends to make this stick. My best warning sign right now is that when I make a two-beer rule for myself, I can't even remember the rule after two beers.

I have been been delivered from alcohol since May of 2002. I accepted Christ into my life about a month prior. i had been praying for about 3 or 4 years for God to help me. you know those mornings when you wake up so sick you feel like death after a night of binge drinking, loud music, bizarre behavior etc. I attended a church service and the pastor said "Deliverance is in the room" I believed what she said. The next weekend; it was a habit for the past ten years of getting together after work with my same alcoholic friends and drinking the weekend away. My husband had a freezer full of cold beer on a Saturday after we had cleaned the house- to free our self of guilt and he was ready to go for it. Well, remember i had received a "word from the Lord" I went up in my room called up a praying sister and resisted that beer in the refrigerator and that pack of newports in the freezer. I cried, travailed and prayed for God to please take this demon away from me as he promised one week prior. I heard in my spirit that " if you make it through this night with no drink, no cigarette, you will be delivered". I was so happy when it got around 9 pm, i went to sleep, thank you Jesus ( that monkey is no joke), got up the next morning went to church and have not had a drinkor cigarette since then. I had to distance myself from people and places where I would drink. God sent me a new set of sisters and brothers in Christ who have similar circumstances and we are going forth in life without alcohol or drugs. God has filled the void that we used alcohol and drugs to replace. My husband is still struggling with the alcohol demon and left home today, but I believe the word which the Lord spoke over our life that he will be saved too and will preach the gospel. I hope this testimony is encouragement for someone. your deliverance is in the room right now take what rightfully belongs to you, the Power of God!
love You,
Chontay

Hi All

I am quiting for lent. I quit smoking last lent and had no craving it was incredable after smoking for 34 years. I sugest getting your seratonin levels up so that you are not depressed when you give up an addiction, whatever that addiction may be. Isuggest going to a naturalpath we smoking drinking drugging people do not realy concider these opions. Odds are who has that enery to go. DO IT !!! I belieave there is one way to suceed get your body n order, mind and spirit

HI

I do not know how to type, so please excuse my spelling, i tend to tpye and send reading my sent info whoops. I do however think as as people who want to lead normal non addictive lifes spelling is the least of our issues. good luck all. PS what i find odd is i belieave in lent so it is apparent i believe in god, Right The problem is i have a hard time with aa. My question anyone out there quit without aa Again love and blessings

Meme, it's possible to quit without AA. But I also think it's a good program for many and it might be worth a second look.

But I used the rational recovery program (free crash course) at

http://rational.org/recover.html

I've been sober for over a month and feel pretty strong about not drinking again. Of course part of being sober is remaining vigilant.

Good luck whatever path you choose!