in Psychology

Thu, 07 Jul 2005, 12:04

Around Christmas 1985 I had been sober for six or eight weeks and I got sabotaged with a rum ball.  I didn't intend for alcohol to pass my lips but I greedily ate this delicious candy and realized half way through that I was in effect "drinking."  Depressing.  I was so proud of the more than 30 days sober that I had piled up one day at a time.  I talked with a friend and I talked with Beth, and I decided that I was not going to re-set the clock because of a mistake.  So I still count my sobriety, one day at a time since November 2, 1985.

This year I consciously raised a glass of champagne to toast my son and daughter-in-law at their wedding.  I didn't set the clock back for that sip of champagne either.

But, abstinence is abstinence, and it doesn't feel good to rationalize around these moments.  I don't know why I chose to tell this story today.  Maybe it's because I'm feeling depressed and need to examine some of my behavior, positive and negative. 

Permalink



TrackBacks

Jul 14, 2005 1:25:40 PM
Namenlosen Trinker

I didn't much care for this post when first I read it.  How can someone who is consciously drinking...

Aug 28, 2005 2:33:01 AM
My Weblog

Link: We Quit Drinking. Sounds like you go through some of the same things I do. Glad you shared it! Thanks

Comments

Jul 7, 2005 1:57:17 PM
1 - eric

several years ago i asked my sponsor whether it was ok to take st. john's wort in a tincture of alcohol. several drops in a glass of water.
he said that i would know if i was drinking alcohol for the effect, and i think that's exactly right. i wasn't. and i took the medication as directed, just as i did when i dislocated my shoulder and was prescribed vicodin.
accidentally ingesting alcohol, or taking a sip as a symbolic gesture at a wedding, these don't strike me as things that should reset one's sobriety date. i think you would KNOW if your sobriety date needed to be revised!
then again, that's my opinion, and it might not work for everyone.

Aug 15, 2005 10:31:37 PM
2 - Ronnie

Ahgh! The WQD board is not available! J. Luster, we love you and we miss WQD when we can't reach it.

Normal things are reasons people drink. Extraordinary things are excuses to break one's commitment not to drink.

Tonight, "valley" is deciding not to quit quitting. "moon"'s pet was biopsied, but he's not drinking and "scoochie" returns after time with his son. Big happenings on WQD.

Thank you for such a terrific forum.

Sep 4, 2005 2:15:49 PM
3 - Ronnie

Again, the wqd forum is unavailable. Tough stuff. A long weekend, lots of BBQ's and parties.

Makes us appreciate that the forum is there for us most of the time.

Ronnie

Sep 21, 2005 4:47:20 AM

I haven't consumed alcohol as yet in my life. A lot of my friends do. Was searching some blogs on drinking and hit on this.

Eric has got a good point to make. Rather than being depressed, you should feel proud of being sobre.

Apr 6, 2006 9:13:20 PM
5 - Carrie

Does anyone know who to get to the new site?

Apr 7, 2006 9:05:57 AM
6 - Kristine

The new site is at www.b19s.net I hope it's ok to post that, I don't anyone to get lost!

Apr 8, 2006 11:51:46 PM
7 - Rich

http://www.b19s.net/e107_plugins/forum/forum.php. It is still going strong, just in between changes. I am sure Jonas is working on a permanet link right now. At any rate the whole gang is there and there is plenty to read and reflect on

Apr 18, 2006 11:17:33 AM
8 - trish

I have been having some problems drinking wine after work and on weekends. My husband and I have recently had some fights and he always blames these on me even though he drinks beer and sometimes liquor. He makes me feel really bad about myself. I work in the legal profession and have a good job and alcohol has never affected my working or anything. I just have a very stressful career, this last year also had a tragic death in my family and remarried a few years ago and moved away from my hometime. All of these things have really added to my stress level and wine helps me relax. I am really going to try and quit though and I would appreciate any suggestions or insights any of you have. I was really glad I came on this website. Thanks, Trish

Apr 18, 2006 6:41:44 PM
9 - fp

Trish, there is an active "forum" conversation at this address:

http://www.b19s.net/e107_plugins/forum/forum.php

It looks like there are a lot of supportive people talking over there, and I'm sure if you drop in you will be welcome. This site, where you posted your comment, is not very active these days, so I recommend that you follow th eabove link and see if you can get in the conversation!

Frank

May 23, 2006 7:13:13 AM
10 - Mike

I'm 46 and have been drinking a lot since I was 17 or so. I was shy as a kid and found alcohol helped me to talk to people, not knowing the destructive side effects that were to come. I have been a mariner for ten years, working on survey ships. I always thought that the sharpness in thought, the improved memory and better sleep I experienced were down to the sea air! I now know it was because the ships were DRY! I am working on land now and haven't touched booze for 10 days. I am feeling the benefits already, but also have side effects of the 'munchies' and boredom. Does it get easier? I just long for the day when I don't think of alcohol for at least 24 hours!

May 23, 2006 8:13:52 PM
11 - fp

It does get easier, but for me it didn't get easier for a long time. What helped me was approaching the problem a day at a time. By not taking that first drink, every day, I've put over twenty years of sobriety together, one day at a time. I'm at a point in my life where I think about a drink from time to time: a drink to take the edge off, a drink to ease some pain. But I know that one is never enough, so I don't do it.

I didn't learn this stuff overnight and I didn't do it by myself. I looked up AA and went to some meetings and found some wise people there who had experience and hope to share. I also met some a-holes, but hey... they met me too.

Seriously, meetings can make the boredom retreat. But as for the munchies, or other displacement behavior... well, you'll just have to work on that too I'm afraid.

Glad you stopped by and commented on this moldy-oldy post!

Frank

Aug 2, 2006 3:11:53 PM
12 - Tag

Is there a difference between abusing alcohol and being an alcoholic? I don't mean to sound stupid, but I need to know if there is a difference; and if so is there a different way to stop?

Aug 2, 2006 3:20:38 PM
13 - tag

I have tried to go to the more active site that was suggested here, but I am unable to locate it--any suggestions? Thanks.

Aug 2, 2006 5:25:04 PM

http://wqd.netwarriors.org/e107_plugins/forum/forum.php

tag,
alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease. People have different experiences, but my feeling is that if you can't stop then you ought to. Paradox? Sure. I have a dear friend who is a binge alcoholic. She goes months without a drink and then gets seriously whacked out of shape. When this happens it is serious because she hurts herself and she has been close to dying more than once. The only way she can be safe is to not take that first drink.

When I was drinking I drank a lot every day. The only way I could control it was to let go of my need to control it and stop drinking entirely. Paradoxical? Kind of. Good luck, and I hope you find what you need.

Frank

Aug 10, 2007 1:26:42 AM
15 - Steve

Frank, you are such a moron AA guy

Aug 10, 2007 1:32:20 AM
16 - Steve

Frank, please explain how you can offer advice to someone stopping drink if you haven't drank for 20 years...you really don't have any recent experience to draw from.

Also, please explain this: "alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease"...do you have facts to back up this idea of a "disease"...I really don't think so.

Aug 10, 2007 1:36:01 AM
17 - Steve

Frank, basically, I hate people like you...AA zombies.

For everyone else, I support you in quiting. Do it for yourself and do the best you can.

Dec 30, 2007 4:24:27 PM
18 - Roy

You should commend yourself for being sober for 20 years. You shouldn't think of it as a clock. I hate that part of A.A. Taking someone that is addicted and making them feel guilty about it. Normal people don't think to look if a piece of candy has alchohol in it. As far as toasting your child at his wedding with a sip of champagne, that's normal too. If you would have grabbed a bottle and downed it, that wouldn't have. I just quit and feel like crap. It's natural. When I'm sober for 20 years I won't lament having a glass of champagne with my kid at his wedding. Reset your "clock" if you ever start drinking again. Normal people do have a glass of wine from time to time. They don't drink daily, and they are not powerless.
Once again, I commend you for your sobriety and happy new year!

May 16, 2008 2:15:18 AM
19 - Valacrory


If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
-- G.K. Chesterton


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://xanga.com/sammiemorganxi

Aug 6, 2008 10:45:52 AM
20 - Kay S.

I'm sober for 2 months. It's been the longest 2 months of my life. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine every night, usually more, and feeling hung over every day. I'm not an AA fan. I've used internet sites like AVRT when I needed help. I do agree with the "one day at a time" slogan. Another thing that has helped me is a simple rule. Don't raise your arm to reach for a glass of anything alcoholic. Sounds weird but works for me.

Dec 3, 2008 10:30:52 PM
21 - Todd

hey

Dec 3, 2008 10:40:58 PM
22 - Todd

For everyone that says it get's easier , then you are dealing better than I am. I a retired firefighter from N.Y.C due to 9/11. Since then to deal with my pain I drank and did drugs.....Wrecked my first marriage and spent thousands of dollars trying to be so numb, but all it did was depress me more.. I have been in outpatient ,inpatient,A.A, N.A but nothing seems to work.. I ama lot of medications as it is for my health issues from 9/11 ex. My lungs are shot, I have high blood pressure and diabetes now from the meds they gave me... Even though I know that first drink won't make me feel better anymore, I still have it calling me.. I don't know how to function with booze anymore or witout it. I am 34 yrs. old now and I probably will be developing cancer in my lungs and my diabetes is just getting worse. I feel like I am basically on a slow suicide mission,,,,,,,,but why can't this misery of my infatuation with booze and drugs end. If I don't I am just going to speed up my funeral.... Thanks for listening

Dec 6, 2008 7:31:49 PM
23 - Ele

Hi Todd, Thank you for your service as a firefighter and your work in 9/11. It is amazing that you have sacrificed your health and your physical well-being to save the lives of others. You don't have to sacrifice anymore, though. You CAN stop. You just have to love yourself enough to want to treat yourself better. You are absolutely right, that by continuing to drink you are only worsening your diabetes and increasing your risk for developing cancer. I don't know you, and I can't imagine the horrific images that you must have in your head from the 9/11 mission, and it makes sense to want to erase those images with mind-numbing/altering substances such as drugs and alcohol. I personally would like to quit drinking, because it makes me feel worse about myself the next day than I did before. I feel guilty for indulging, guilty for saying the things I do when I am drunk, and depressed about my pathetic life. I guess I know that the alcohol depresses me and makes it harder for me to function. I know that without alcohol in my life, I would be happier. The problem is I drink to escape the horrible feelings that are caused by drinking, which of course only exacerbates the problem. I have decided to quit before I am so depressed that I don't care about myself enough to care what happens to me. I also find myself becoming more selfish, especially in my excuses to drink. I know that all the time I spend being hung over could be used for other more useful, productive things.

May 28, 2009 1:43:17 AM

hello everyone
it can make us brfeel cared for, heard, loved. Both are potent feelings.
ca va

Jul 13, 2009 9:50:51 PM
25 - Neil

ummm... i'm 21.. and I can quit drinking right now. and so be it..

so yea.. I'm done drinkin..