Thu, 07 Jul 2005, 12:04
Around Christmas 1985 I had been sober for six or eight weeks and I got sabotaged with a rum ball. I didn't intend for alcohol to pass my lips but I greedily ate this delicious candy and realized half way through that I was in effect "drinking." Depressing. I was so proud of the more than 30 days sober that I had piled up one day at a time. I talked with a friend and I talked with Beth, and I decided that I was not going to re-set the clock because of a mistake. So I still count my sobriety, one day at a time since November 2, 1985.
This year I consciously raised a glass of champagne to toast my son and daughter-in-law at their wedding. I didn't set the clock back for that sip of champagne either.
But, abstinence is abstinence, and it doesn't feel good to rationalize around these moments. I don't know why I chose to tell this story today. Maybe it's because I'm feeling depressed and need to examine some of my behavior, positive and negative.