in Psychology

Thu, 07 Jul 2005, 12:04

Around Christmas 1985 I had been sober for six or eight weeks and I got sabotaged with a rum ball.  I didn't intend for alcohol to pass my lips but I greedily ate this delicious candy and realized half way through that I was in effect "drinking."  Depressing.  I was so proud of the more than 30 days sober that I had piled up one day at a time.  I talked with a friend and I talked with Beth, and I decided that I was not going to re-set the clock because of a mistake.  So I still count my sobriety, one day at a time since November 2, 1985.

This year I consciously raised a glass of champagne to toast my son and daughter-in-law at their wedding.  I didn't set the clock back for that sip of champagne either.

But, abstinence is abstinence, and it doesn't feel good to rationalize around these moments.  I don't know why I chose to tell this story today.  Maybe it's because I'm feeling depressed and need to examine some of my behavior, positive and negative. 

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